GOD, I'M ANGRY, UPSET, AND AT MY WHITS END

Good evening Precious Family, Friends and Life Colleagues,
        How is everybody doing? I know that some are well, some are fine, some are ok, some not so good, and some just at their whits end. There's a missing jet liner full of people God only knows where, and hopefully not at the bottom of the Indian Ocean or crashed somewhere. There are thousands of exploited and abused children, maybe even millions, all over the world that are crying out for help, salvation and deliverance from their plight. There are many an exploited and abused wife, employee, even elderly person also crying out for someone to notice. Some can speak clearly, others cannot speak out at all yet in their own way are still reaching out for help and solace. Many are homeless and hungry while others are so full of themselves they can't help but be puffed up with pride and sanctimonious selfishness that anybody else in comparison is looked down on and treated as if they are nothing because they view themselves as above reproach. They feel that they have made it to the top and treat everybody else as though they are beneath them. ... In this light everybody seems to be in some sort of situation that they can't seem to handle rightly, or some such. However there are some who actually have their head on straight and are quite wise, humble, operate with graceful integrity, and are kind and generous beyond belief, and have the most loving and joyful disposition. There's such an in-explainable peace about these people that there's no denying that there's something particularly special about them. Such people are the kind who are truly rich and with whom it is most glorious to associate with. These kind of people have so much to teach us that we would do well to not only acknowledge them but to also hold them in high esteem ... and hopefully view them as magnificent mentors.

       But then there are those who are habitually bitter, angry, upset, and at their whits end because they've lost all hope and are utterly exasperated with life. They are beyond frustrated and don't know what to do or how to improve their situation so that they have a better life experience. Many of this grouping are so beaten, abused and tortured that it's all they can do to simply survive their situation. They see themselves as worthless and wonder why God has thrown them to the wolves. Some even wonder why God made them for sport to fuel His sadistic whims and have no knowledge of how much God really does love them. They have no idea that it's not God that put them in such an ugly state of hostility, but the devil. They don't understand how ruthless the devil really is. All they know (or believe) is that there can't really be a God Who Loves and Truly Cares for them. This is their world. Their world is so full of ugliness, treachery, chaos and darkness that they dare not even dream of Heaven manifest ... of Jesus Christ come in their midst revealing the Truth of God's Glory, Perfect Love, Tender Mercy and Amazing Grace. Their spirit dead within their living shell of a body; their world anything but kind or generous. They can't even put to words what's really within themselves for all the torment they have suffered at the hands of their abusive captors. They were taught that they have no right to life. They were taught that they were nothing but a cruel joke created for sport and that they are unworthy of loving compassion, protection or grace. Many are born into such a state, other sold into such a state, and still others married into such a state. They are so hurt, so tormented, so dismayed, shamed and at their whits end ... their only choices are to live just to survive or survive just to live, or to give up and hopefully survive the life or give up and hopefully give up the ghost within themselves to a Merciful God who would actually love, accept and cherish them.

       Are you such a person? Are you one of any of these found written about in this page? Where do you fall into place among these words? Do you need help? Are you reaching out for help in any way? Can you at least cry out to God Who Does Hear the cries of His beloved? You are God's beloved child you know. And if you don't yet know it, God will most certainly make it clear to you somehow someway. I myself am still learning this. There are times when I think I've got it and there are times when I don't. For some reason it seems to be a process, though I wish it were not. However, I do understand that some people need a lot of convincing just because of their tragically harsh experiences. I understand this quite well. I've been there. Can't say for sure that I'm not still there. Sharing this much with you is a great help to me. I don't know what all is wise to share and what is more prudent to keep to myself. So if I seem a bit vague I humbly apologize.

        The Bible says that we are to be the head not the tail. It says that we are to be above only, not beneath. I like to say it this way... God meant for us to be the head above not the tail beneath. I do not believe that God ever intended for us to experience anything less than His omnipotent goodness in life. However, how many of us can actually say that this has been or is actually the case in our own life. I sure can't, especially when I look at the schtuff I've experienced and from the people involved. When I take my eyes off God and look at the details of my life I am hard pressed to find much goodness or happiness in it. However, when I focus on God and make God my attention I can't help but experience peace, love, and joy. It's so easy to look at the muckity-muck because that's the overwhelming vast majority of my life. I think the same is true for most people. Not all, but most. And how many of us actually know how to forgive? And even if we can actually forgive, there's seems to be no way of escaping the imposed suffrage we are forced to endure - some within the brokenness of spirit, some the stark reality of severely harsh substandard living conditions that seem to leave no room for improvement. But there is hope. God is very much still on The Throne. God is very much Love. God is very much Light. God is Your Salvation. God is very much The Joy and Lifter of Your Head. He is The Lover of Your Soul, The Redeemer, Strength and Savior of Your Life. His Word is Health and Wholeness to All Your Flesh as well as to All Your Life. And you know what else? GOD IS NOT A MAN THAT HE SHOULD LIE, NEITHER IS HE THE SON OF MAN THAT HE SHOULD REPENT. In fact, THERE IS NO EVIL WHATSOEVER THAT DWELLS IN GOD OR THAT PROCEEDS FROM GOD. NOR IS THERE ANY DARKNESS IN GOD. GOD IS LIGHT AND IN HIM IS NO DARKNESS AT ALL, NOR SHADOW OF VARIANCE. For GOD IS LOVE. ... GOD IS LOVE... GOD IS LOVE AND ABSOLUTELY NOTHING LESS THAN LOVE. GOD is in fact and in all ways NOTHING LESS THAN ALTOGETHER DIVINE AND ALL THAT GOD DOES IS NOTHING SHORT OF DIVINE. And when GOD SPEAKS A WORD, IT IS ALSO ALWAYS DIVINE, PRODUCING NOTHING LESS THAN DIVINE RESULTS.

         Please pray this prayer with me and let the miracles manifest in God's own wonderful way.

        Most Holy God, 
   
                I don't know You. I want to worship You, but I am unfamiliar with Who and What You are and with what You actually stand for. It matters a great deal to me that I be truly loved, accepted and cherished. I don't know what that feels like. It's something I am unfamiliar with. It's not been part of my life experience. If it has, I have forgotten it because it has been overshadowed by lies and overwhelming abuse.

                I'm angry, God, upset and at my whits end. I feel a torrent of emotions that I don't rightly know how to deal with or process. I feel as though You have abandoned me. I feel as though You have hated and despised me and fed me to the wolves, lions, snakes and bears. I feel as though I was never meant to have or enjoy life on any level. But, Dear God, You know the real truth concerning me. You know the real truth concerning my life. And I believe that You are well aware of my plight and that You are The One who can not only help me, but also save and deliver me. I believe You can work miracles in my life and in this horrible situation and use this experience for Your glory to bless and benefit others in similar situations. But I need to know that I know that I know ... that You really do love and cherish me. I am so hurt, Dear God, and so broken, that I need to know The God Who Truly Does Love and Cherish Me. I also need to know that You Really Are For Me since my main knowing regards those who have been or are against me. I need to know The Truth concerning You, Dear God, and how involved You truly willing to get into this situation and in my life as a whole. I need to know how much I truly do matter to You. Will You please help me and show me how much You really care? I want to live for Your glory. I want to experience the power of Your glory in my life and affairs. Will You please take my life and all that I am, as well as all that I am not, and do something with it so that I am given a testimony that richly tells of the glory of God's perfect love, tender mercy and amazing grace? Will You please lift me up, Dear God, and give me beauty for the ashes of my life? I offer to You my life and all that is part of it - the good, the bad, the ugly, past, present and future. I give You myself and every part of my life because if anybody can turn my life around and make something good come out of it and that will glorify God and bless others, it is You, Dear God. And I praise You for it in Jesus' Name. 

         And as regards those who need to be forgiven for the things they have done to me, I don't know how to forgive them right now. Please help me to forgive them and to completely release them to the workings of Your brand of justice, Dear God. Please also help me to truly forgive them for the wrongs they have done unto me. And help me to forgive You, too, Dear God. You are my only way of knowing and understanding The Truth that sets me free. I want so much to love You with all my heart, with all my soul, with all my mind, and with all my strength, Dear God. I just don't know how to right now. Please help me. I have hated my life for so long because of all the hate I have had to endure that I just don't know who or how to trust any good that might even come my way, and I have learned that even You have hated and despised me and that I meant nothing to even You. So please clarify things for me, Dear God. Show me the real Truth concerning how You really feel towards me and how much I really matter to You. Show me how powerful You really are to redeem, save, deliver and heal ... even the likes of me ... and how willing You are to use me and my experience for Your glory as well as for the sake of The Kingdom of God and His Righteousness. Show me how much You really do delight in me and how powerful You really are to wipe away my tears, give me beauty for ashes, and joy instead of mourning. Show me how willing You are to adopt even the likes of me and to make a place for me in Your Kingdom. 

         I have no more fight in me. I don't know how to fight anymore. I don't know who to trust or who to believe because I have been lied to so much and severely used, abused and tortured. Please help me to trust You, Dear God. Help my unbelief so that I can fully and freely believe. I don't want to hurt anymore, Dear God. But hurting is all I know. Please help me to know something better. Please help me to know that it really is OK for me to experience better - that I can even be, do, have and enjoy a much better life. I ask all of this of You, Dear God, because if You do it for me then I know You can also do it for others through me and my testimony. I hold on because I believe I am meant for so much more than I have previously known. I am holding onto hope that You are my Answer, Dear God. That's why I pray this prayer to You, confessing my truth, bearing my soul, and releasing it all to You for righteousness' sake. And in humble gratitude I give thanks for all the wonderful ways You enlighten me, for all the wonderful ways You redeem, save, deliver and heal me. And in short, for all the wonderful ways You bless me, heal me and make me whole so that I can be the blessing I was always meant to be and freely help and bless somebody else who needs as much help as I do right now. I praise You for all the ways You strengthen me and for all the ways You revive me. I praise You for all the ways You reveal the glory of Your infinite power in every phase of my life and affairs. I praise You for all the ways You restore righteousness in my life and for all the ways You give me double for my former trouble. And I especially praise You for giving me an awesome testimony that tells of the glory of God's perfect love, tender mercy and amazing grace ... and for all the ways You influence change for the better in me, through me, and all around me for the sake of all concerned. Thank You, Dear God. Thank You very much indeed for all the ways You bless and prosper me, and for all the ways You make me the head above my enemies instead of the tail beneath them. Thank You also, for all the ways You contend with them and for all the ways You cause Justice to prevail. I love You, Lord. And I love that You really do love and cherish me ... and for all the ways You prove it. Bless You. Amen.      

(c) 2014; Terri Spahr, aka (Prayer Writer Terri)